Posts tagged relationships

Yesterday I was telling Kaitlin about how I wrote my friend Jake a letter. Jake is the most adorable freshman ever. He looks like a lost puppy and he has weatherman hair. There are four other people at the lunch table other than Kaitlin and me. There is Brittni, Lauren, Jensen, and Emily. Emily is in a serious relationship and Brittni has been in a few before, Lauren and Jensen have not. So, Emily and Brittni just laugh and agree about how adorable Jake is and Jensen and Lauren give me this “the-fuck-are-you-doing” look. Then Lauren says it. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” For a moment I was speechless, then I told her, yes, I do have a boyfriend. “Then why are you stalking Jake?” Oh sweet Jesus. The legitimately believe that because I have a boyfriend, I can’t have guy friends, comment on how adorable a boy is, or make eye contact and smile at any other guy. I’m sorry I happened to look up right as a guy was walking by, accidentally made eye contact and smiled because I’m a nice person. I MUST be a whore and getting ready to cheat on my boyfriend. I’m just a terrible person, aren’t I? Having friends and smiling. What a slut…

People have unrealistic expectations of relationships. I’ve also heard that because I masturbate(no shame here), but don’t have sex with my boyfriend, it must mean I am not physically attracted to him. I’m relatively certain this comment was from someone that has never been in a real relationship. It’s ridiculous. Sex is not just a physical thing. I’m young. I’m not emotionally ready for it. Just because I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while, doesn’t mean I’m ready to have my virginity taken. I’m happy being a virgin. As a matter of fact, I love it! My URL, spaceageunicorn, is about being a virgin. I’m not ready to change that anytime soon.
I totally got off topic, but these are things that need to be said. People are stupid.

I am confused. One, it’s not really a hickey, it’s like he removed a layer of my skin and possibly burst a blood vessel and left a fang mark, because he is obviously a vampire. Two, shouldn’t my mother have cared a bit more that I have a hickey…?

“If you babysat me I deff wouldn’t be mean ;)”
God damn it. How do you respond to shit like that? Usually I focus on what little bit of seriousness is involved so I just start going on about babysitting.
And when that fails I just simply go offline for my blocklist again.
Guys fucking stress me out. With two over-sexed stalkers and one that is absolutely in love with me…
Oh god what am I supposed to do about that last one? I can’t break a heart. Can I send a letter or something? I don’t want to tell him myself when we’re finally official and I can’t seem to work in that I’m in a pre-lationship or whatever the fuck you would call this, 143 days until I’m going to have to tell him… I don’t want to lead him on before then, This is why I don’t do relationships. They hurt people. I don’t want to hurt anyone.

144.
That’s enough time. No need to be insecure.
I’m sure as soon as he gets back and I get to see him all of my insecurities will just fly away.
It’s fine. I’m fine.
Holy fuck I am freaking myself out here.
This is why all of my relationships fail. I panic before they even officially begin.
Fuck my brain.

Boys make no sense to me. As a girl with very few guy friends the only insight I have into the mind of males comes from http://thoughtcatalog.com. I understand that boys are not emotionless robots. They are human just like me, they love and they hurt. I also understand that since they are my Facebook friends they can see all of my vague updates about being depressed over someone and missing someone. Obviously they thought I was someone that they could relate to, someone who would understand. Which I am. My situation is different, but I kind of know what they’re getting at.

What I don’t understand is why they would actually talk to me about it. I’m sure it looks strange and it probably makes me sound like a bit of a bitch. That is not the case though. I’m not wondering in a way of, “why would I care about your problems,” it goes much deeper than that.

These two boys went to Christian school with me. I understand that they have changed since I left, but while I was there they were awful to me. Sean was best friends with a boy I was practically in love with who made my life a living Hell and AJ… AJ was an asshole overall. Not a day went by that he wasn’t torturing me in some way.

Yet for some reason they are coming to me with their deepest problems that they can’t even tell their closest friends. Sure, it’s over a girl, the same girl, I might add. Maybe what I thought was a personal dysfunction isn’t that weird. maybe it’s normal to open up to someone you barely know. I still find it strange, though. After everything they put me through they still came to me.

I’m glad to help though. I like helping. I must admit that I am more than slightly peeved that this makes yet another two boys having their hearts broken by this girl. In sixth grade it was Billy and Joseph. In seventh it was Austin and Keegan. Eighth, even though i wasn’t there I heard it was Pat and Austin again, and now it’s Sean and AJ. According to AJ she never even liked Sean, yet they dated for two months. AJ said it’s because she’s lovable. Do they not she what she’s doing? She’s been doing it since she first got to little Mount Dora from Paris. She’s playing with you. She is a heartless witch when it comes to relationships and I can say that with certainty because most of those boys that she hurt were good friends of mine. She’s a pretty cool person though, she was a friend of mine. Boys are another thing for her. All I can say is watch out. Just because a girl seems sweet doesn’t mean she isn’t a sadistic bitch.